Being Bullied

• Comes home with damaged or missing clothing or other belongings
• Reports losing items such as books, electronics, clothing, or jewelry
• Has unexplained injuries
• Complains frequently of headaches, stomachaches, or feeling sick
• Has trouble sleeping or has frequent bad dreams
• Has changes in eating habits
• Hurts themselves
• Are very hungry after school from not eating their lunch
• Runs away from home
• Loses interest in visiting or talking with friends
• Is afraid of going to school or other activities with peers
• Loses interest in school work or begins to do poorly in school
• Appears sad, moody, angry, anxious or depressed when they come home
• Talks about suicide
• Feels helpless
• Often feels like they are not good enough
• Blames themselves for their problems
• Suddenly has fewer friends
• Avoids certain places
• Acts differently than usual

Bullying Others

• Becomes violent with others
• Gets into physical or verbal  fights with others
• Gets sent to the principal’s office or detention a lot
• Has extra money or new belongings that cannot be explained
• Is quick to blame others
• Will not accept responsibility for their actions
• Has friends who bully others
• Needs to win or be best at everything

From Stop Bullying

1. Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny. – Unknown 
2. Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man’s character, give him power. – Abraham Lincoln
3. The measure of a man’s real character is what he would do if he knew he would never be found out. – Thomas B Macaulay
4. You can easily judge the character of a man by how he treats those who can do nothing for him.  – James D. Miles
5. How true Daddy’s words were when he said: all children must look after their own upbringing. Parents can only give good advice or put them on the right paths, but the final forming of a person’s character lies in their own hands. – Anne Frank
6. Everyone tries to define this thing called Character.  It’s not hard.  Character is doing what’s right when nobody’s looking.  – Unknown
7. Character is the result of two things: Mental attitude and the way we spend our time.  - Elbert Hubbard
8. Weakness of attitude becomes weakness of character. – Albert Einstein
9. The function of education is to teach one to think intensively and to think critically. Intelligence plus character – that is the goal of true education. – Martin Luther King, Jr.
10. Our character is basically a composite of our habits. Because they are consistent, often unconscious patterns, they constantly, daily, express our character. – Stephen Covey

What are your thoughts on the above quotes? Are there others you might add?

The U.S. Food and Drug Administration warned four companies Wednesday that their caffeinated alcoholic beverages posed a “public health concern” and could be seized under federal law. Critics say drinks like Four Loko mix as much as three cups of coffee with three cans of beer and are designed to appeal to younger consumers accustomed to consuming high-caffeine energy drinks. Experts have said the caffeine used in the beverages can mask the effects of alcohol, leaving drinkers unaware of how intoxicated they are.

Read the full story at CNN: http://www.cnn.com/2010/HEALTH/11/17/alcohol.caffeine.drinks/index.html

Facebook is an enormous, free social networking site with hundreds of millions of users all over the world. To use Facebook, you sign up with your email address, name, gender, date of birth, and password. That gives you a profile page, which you can then fill in by answering questions on Facebook’s forms. The questions are designed to help you create connections with people (like kids from your high school) — called “Friends” — as well as display things you like, for example, books and movies. You also have the option to upload a photo of yourself.

Facebook is not supposed to be used by people under 13, however, it’s not difficult to create a page if you are. (If Facebook discovers a user under 13, they will delete the profile.)

In addition to displaying your profile information and likes, Facebook allows you do lots of other things, like write “status updates” that tell others what you’re doing, play games, chat with others, comment on other people’s pages (called their “wall”), and more. You don’t need a computer to be on Facebook. You can view and update your page remotely from your phone or another mobile device. Programs called location-sharing applications also allow you to post your actual, physical location to your Facebook page.

WHY IT MATTERS

A lot of parents hear stories about teens misusing Facebook and get concerned that their teen could get caught up in problems stemming from Facebook drama. But the important thing for parents to know is that it’s not the site that’s a problem. It’s the way it’s used. That’s why it’s so important to talk to all kids about responsible online behavior.

If used responsibly, Facebook can be a useful, fun tool for teens to stay in touch with friends (and, in fact, it’s nearly impossible for some teens to avoid it!), but teens can be cruel and will use any tool at their disposal to be so. That said, there are still safety and privacy issues to be aware of. Facebook can open teens up to unwanted comments from both friends and non-friends, it can spark feuds that drag on and can carry over into real life, it can become an obsession to the point where teens fret about their online status, and perhaps the thorniest of all, it can expose photos, thoughts, and feelings that, once posted, are out of your teen’s control.
Teens using Facebook are creating a digital footprint that can live a long time online. And because teens can be impulsive, they are liable to say and do things on Facebook that they may later regret. It’s easy enough for your teen’s friends to forward along anything that’s posted on your teen’s page — including instant-message conversations. What seemed important or funny in the moment can get teens into personal — and later, professional — trouble.

PRIVACY ISSUES

On Facebook, your name and profile photo (if you have one) are always publicly viewable. That means other Facebook users can see your name and photo when they land on your page. You can limit who sees all of your other information, as well as who can write on your page by using Facebook’s privacy settings. With Facebook’s privacy settings, you can set your viewable information to Everyone, Friends of Friends, Friends Only, or even a customizable setting that only allows you to see it. (Privacy settings control other things, too, which our video explains.)

If your teen has a Facebook page, sit down with them and review their privacy settings. But beyond that, discuss the importance of controlling your own information. Once your teen posts something, it’s out of his or her control and can be copied, pasted, or forwarded by other people.

By creating your own page and familiarizing yourself with Facebook’s controls, you can help your teen to use it responsibly and respectfully. Our tips can help you navigate this new territory.

PARENT TIPS FOR TEENS

Talk to kids about controlling their information. Encourage them to be selective about what they post. But it’s not just what you post that can get away from you. Activities you do on Facebook, like the applications and games you play, can be viewable by others.

Use privacy settings. Facebook’s default settings tend to keep information public until you make it private (although they are a little stricter with minors’ accounts). Review the settings with your teen, and make sure they are set to “Friends Only.” Check our tips to streamline this process.

Set rules about what’s appropriate to post. No sexy photos, no drinking photos, no photos of them doing something that could come back to haunt them. Remind them that once they post something, it’s out of their hands.

Watch out for ads. Believe it or not, there are tons of ads on Facebook, and most major companies have profile pages. Marketers actively use Facebook to target advertising to your teen.

Encourage teens to self-reflect before they self-reveal. Teens are very much in the moment and are very likely to post something they really didn’t mean. Work with them on curbing that impulse.

It’s OK to leave profile questions blank. The only information you have to input is your name, email address, password, gender, and date of birth. You don’t have to display your gender and date of birth and you can choose not to input any other information in your profile — like relationship status and address. Advise your kids to leave private information blank or choose not to display it.

SHOULD YOU FRIEND YOUR KID ON FACEBOOK?

Use the tips below and if you decide to friend your teen.
Start with your teen’s age. If they’re in middle school, it may be a sound policy to know what they’re posting, since kids that age don’t necessarily understand that they’re creating a digital footprint that will long outlast the passions of the moment.

Talk to your high school-aged teens about whether or not they’re comfortable letting you friend them. Many will be. This is a case of “know your kid,” and it comes down to trust. But establish rules: No drug talk, no nudity, no pictures of drinking, no hate speech, no bullying, and no posting party locations — all of these lead to ruin. Most of all, remind your teens that whatever they post will be in the cyberworld forever. (Keep watching Facebook’s Terms of Service, by the way, since a recent — and almost as recently recanted — update said that the company owned everything anyone posted forever.)

Don’t fill your kids’ pages with your comments. As it is, simply having parents is mortifying enough at this age. Their friends don’t need evidence of your existence (and you can always send them private messages).

Don’t friend your kids’ friends. See reasons above.

Remember: They can see what you post. If you’re a friend, also be a role model. Keep your nose clean.

Choose your battles. You will see the good, the bad, and the truly unfathomable. If you don’t want your kids to unfriend you, don’t comment on every transgression. Keep it general.

Remember, you’re the parent. Even if you aren’t your kids’ Facebook “friend,” your job is still to pass your values along to them and to help them learn how to be safe and responsible on or offline.

source: common sense

Facts about Teen Dating Violence

What is Teen Dating Violence?

Teen dating violence occurs in a dating relationship when one adolescent uses assault and coercive behaviors, including physical, emotional, or sexual attacks, to intimidate another adolescent. 

How does domestic violence affect youth?

 The effects of teen dating violence on youth are profound. Youth who are experiences domestic violence typically display some or all of the following behaviors and characteristics: 

• Psychosomatic issues, e.g., stomachaches, ulcers, headaches
• Subtle reactions: loss of appetite, overeating, sleep difficulties, nail-biting, or stuttering
• Low self-esteem and feelings of failure
• Anger: aggression, hostility, or destructiveness
• Disruptive behavior or violence toward peers
• Wearing high-necked or long-sleeved clothing in warm weather to hide physical abuse
• Juvenile delinquency, e.g., truancy, vandalism, drinking, or drug abuse

Statistics

• One in three adolescents reports knowing a peer who has been part of a physically abusive relationship. (Davis, Antoinette, MPH. 2008. Interpersonal and Physical Dating Violence among Teens. The National Council on Crim and Delinquency Focus.)
• 25% of adolescent girls have reported that they have been pressured to perform sexual acts. (Liz Claiborn Inc. study on teen dating abuse conducted by Teenage Research Unlimited, February 2005.)
• 30% of adolescent girls (15-19) who are murdered every year in the USA die by the hands of an abusive partner. (City of New York, Teen Relationship Abuse Fact Sheet, March 1998.)
• Studies have found that women and girls are more likely to be victims of teen dating violence than men and boys and that they suffer significantly more injuries than males. (Rand, Michael. 2008. Criminal Victimization, 2007. U.S. Department of Justice Bureau of Justice Statistics.) (Baum, Katrina, Catalano, Shannan, Rand, Michael and Rose, Kristina. 2009. Stalking Victimization in the United States. U.S. Department of Justice Bureau of Justice Statistics.)
  

Where to go for HELP:

Through the National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-SAFE [7233] or TTY 1-800-787-3224), help is available to callers 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. Hotline advocates are available for victims and anyone calling on their behalf to provide crisis intervention, safety planning, information and referrals to agencies in all 50 states, Puerto Rico and the U.S. Virgin Islands. Assistance is available in English and Spanish with access to more than 170 languages through interpreter services. If you or someone you know is frightened about something in your relationship, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline. 

The National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline (www.loveisrespect.org, 1-866-331-9474, or TTY 1-866-331-8453) provides help and resources, including confidential online support, for teens who are concerned about what is going on in their relationships.  

What can I do to HELP:

To stop domestic violence, we all need to be part of the solution. Helping a friend who is being abused, speaking up about abuse, educating yourself and others, and supporting your local domestic violence program are all examples of things we can do to help. 

With information from Domestic Violence Awareness Project 

Aaberg, Justin Norman Age 15 of Andover, formerly of Ramsey, passed away unexpectedly July 9, 2010. Preceded in death by grandmother, Jean Aaberg. He will be missed by his parents, Shawn and Tammy; brothers, Andrew and Anthony; grandparents, Curtis Aaberg; Gail and Walter Johnson; aunts, uncles, cousins and many friends. Justin attended Anoka High School and played cello in the concert orchestra 

Justin is one of 5 Anoka-Hennepin students who took their own life in the past year. Now, we ask ourselves what drives a 15-year-old to take their own life? What could be tormenting him so deeply inside that he would end his own life?  What made this handsome, talented, smart young man to feel the only way to escape and end the torment was to end his life?

Justin ‘came out’ as gay when he was 13 years old. In the weeks since she found her son dead in his room on July 9, Justin’s mom has heard from many of her son’s friends at Anoka High School. They told her Justin had been bullied. There it is, that nasty word: BULLY. Haven’t we had enough? Too often we are hearing and reading about our youth taking their lives as a result of bullying. Far too often people write off bullying behavior as “normal everyday kid stuff” a sort of “right of passage” through youth. This is not the case. As adults, this wouldn’t be tolerated. Why do we allow it to continue in our schools and to our children.

If your children are telling you they are being bullied, harassed, assaulted at school. Listen to them. If they aren’t telling you, but they are showing signs of depression, harassment, not wanting to go to school, etc.  Look into it. Talk to your kids. Talk to your kids teachers. Talk to their friends. Be a welcoming person for your child and their friends to come to.

If you believe your child is harassing or bullying others, sit them down and share these stories with them. Make sure they understand the consequences of their behaviors.

Please, have these open and honest discussions with the kids in your life. You just may save a life.

Justin Aaberg Memorial Video

Bullying in Schools: Harassment Puts Gay Youth at Risk

While trying to deal with all the challenges of being a teenager, gay/ lesbian/ bisexual/ transgender (GBLT) teens additionally have to deal with harassment, threats, and violence directed at them on a daily basis. They hear anti-gay slurs such as “homo”, “faggot” and “sissy” about 26 times a day or once every 14 minutes. Even more troubling, a study found that thirty-one percent of gay youth had been threatened or injured at school in the last year alone!

Their mental health and education, not to mention their physical well-being, are at-risk.

How is their mental health being affected?

• Gay and lesbian teens are at high risk because ‘their distress is a direct result of the hatred and prejudice that surround them,’ not because of their inherently gay or lesbian identity orientation.
• Gay, lesbian, and bisexual youth are two to three times more likely to attempt suicide than their heterosexual counterparts.

How is their education being affected?

• Gay teens in U.S. schools are often subjected to such intense bullying that they’re unable to receive an adequate education. They’re often embarrassed or ashamed of being targeted and may not report the abuse.
• GLBT students are more apt to skip school due to the fear, threats, and property vandalism directed at them. One survey revealed that 22 percent of gay respondents had skipped school in the past month because they felt unsafe there.
• Twenty-eight percent of gay students will drop out of school. This is more than three times the national average for heterosexual students.
• GLBT youth feel they have nowhere to turn. According to several surveys, four out of five gay and lesbian students say they don’t know one supportive adult at school.

What can we do to help?

Schools should offer a safe and respectful learning environment for everyone. When bullying is allowed to take place, it affects everyone. For every GLBT youth who reported being targeted for anti-gay harassment, four heterosexual youth reported harassment or violence for being perceived as gay or lesbian. Also, we know that bullying was a contributing factor in the Columbine shootings and other school violence. Students, teachers, and school administrators who look the other way are contributing to the problem. In contrast, kids who said that they had a supportive faculty or openly gay staff member were more likely to feel as if they belong in their school.

Help end bullying at your school with the following actions:

• Be alert to signs of distress.
• Work with student councils to have programs on respect, school safety, and anti-bullying.
• Ask school personnel to have a discussion at an assembly or an after school activity about gay prejudice.
• Help start a Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network (GLSEN) chapter at your local high school. Youth whose schools had these kinds of groups were less likely to have reported feeling unsafe in their schools.
• Arrange for a group like GLSEN to present bullying prevention activities and programs at your school.
• Do encourage anyone who’s being bullied to tell a teacher, counselor, coach, nurse, or his or her parents or guardians. If the bullying continues, report it yourself.

For More Information:

For help finding treatment, support groups, medication information, help paying for your medications, your local Mental Health America affiliate, and other mental health-related services in your community, please go to www.nmha.org. If you or someone you know is in crisis now, seek help immediately. Call 1-800-273-TALK (8255) to reach a 24 hour crisis center or dial 911 for immediate assistance.

Source: Mental Health America

Last fall, 13-month-old Aidan Truett of Hamilton, Ohio developed what seemed like an upper respiratory infection. He lost interest in food and vomited a few times, but doctors attributed it to a virus. After nine days of severe symptoms and more doctor visits, the hospital finally ordered an X-ray to look for pneumonia. What they found instead was totally unexpected. He’d ingested a “button” battery, one of those flat silver discs used to power remote controls, toys, musical greeting cards, bathroom scales, and many other home electronics.

The battery was surgically removed the next day, and Aidan was sent home. But neither the doctors nor his parents realized that the damage had been done. The battery’s current had set off a chemical reaction in the child’s esophagus that had burned through his esophageal wall and attacked his heart. Two days after the battery was removed, Aidan died from his injuries.

SUCH DEATHS ARE EXTREMELY RARE. However…ingestion of lithium cell batteries, which children may mistake for candy, or simply put in their mouths because that’s just what kids do, is a surprisingly common problem, documented recently by two new reports in the medical journal Pediatrics.

Among other serious complications, the chemical reaction triggered by these lithium batteries can damage vocal cords, leaving children with a lifelong whisper. Damage to the gastrointestinal tract means some children require feeding tubes and multiple surgeries. “The injuries are so much more serious,” said Dr. Toby Litovitz, director and lead author of both articles in Pediatrics. “It’s like drain opener or lye. It’s not something you want in the esophagus of your child.”

The batteries that pose the greatest risk are those beginning with the number 20, which stands for 20 millimeters. Batteries numbered 2032, 2025 and 2016 are responsible for more than 90 percent of serious injuries.

Federal safety rules require toys that use the batteries to have battery compartments that are locked with screws. But what’s to stop four-year old Suzie or Ramon from grabbing a screwdriver and mimicking mom or dad’s tool se? Devices intended for adults – like bathroom scales and remote controls – often hold the batteries in with a simple plastic cover that can fall off or be removed easily. When children ingest batteries, it’s not usually because they found one loose in the home. In 60 percent of the cases involving children under age 6, the child has removed the battery from an electronic device.

Making matters worse, most parent/caregivers are not even aware when it happens, and studies show the battery begins to cause severe damage within just two hours of ingestion. Diagnosing the problem can be very difficult, because children will have symptoms that are nonspecific, and parents/caregivers will often have no idea that a battery was ingested.

Button batteries are especially problematic because, often, when a child swallows or chokes on one, the incident is not witnessed. So here are a few tips to help prevent button battery ingestion altogether:

1. Make sure there are no loose batteries around that a child may find and put in their mouth. If you’re changing a button battery, do it on a surface out of reach of a child. Then immediately place the “dead” battery out of reach of the child—even “dead” batteries have enough charge left to produce acids than can eventually lead to tissue damage if there’s prolonged exposure.
2. Don’t allow children to play with these batteries.
3. If you have a device that uses this type of battery, make sure the battery device on the cover is secure so your child can’t remove it.
4. Store button batteries like you would any medication—out of reach of your children. This means either in a cabinet out of a child’s reach or in a child-proofed locked area.

If you’re suspicious that your child has swallowed a button battery, or has placed one in his/her nose, seek medical attention immediately. A button battery is visible on X-ray. If one is present in the esophagus, trachea, ear, or nose, it must be removed as soon as possible to prevent serious damage.

Talk with family, friends, and neighbors, and alert them to this danger. As we know, these batteries are not just in remotes and electronics; they’re everywhere…even in that “talking” children’s book or birthday card your child or grandchild just received!

With information from: New York Times, May 2010, Pediatrics.aappublications.org, and scrmc.org

1. Thank you. It’s important to acknowledge your child’s efforts to help you or others. You might say: “Thanks for helping me look for that missing sock” or “Thanks for setting the table; I got the salad made while you were doing that.”  
2. Tell me more. Words like these show your child that you are listening and that you would like to hear more about what’s on her mind. “Tell me more” encourages conversation without passing judgment or giving immediate advice – two responses that discourage further communication from your child.  
3. You can do it. Your expression of confidence in your child’s ability to do many things without your help is important. As your child grows older, there will be many times when your encouragement will mean the difference between his giving up on a challenging task or seeing it through.  
4. How can I help? Let your child know you are willing and available to help her accomplish a particular task that may be difficult for her to manage on her own. You might say: “I think you can read that story by yourself now. Let me know if you need help with a new word.” As your child takes on projects in school, encourage her to think of specific steps that are necessary to complete a project. You both can decide which tasks your child can handle on her own and which ones she’ll need help with.  
5. Let’s all pitch in. A child is never too young to learn that cooperation and team effort make many jobs easier and speedier – and often more fun: “Let’s all pitch in and finish raking the leaves so we can go in and bake cookies,” or “Let’s all pitch in and clean up the kitchen or we’ll miss the movie.” Family activities and group chores can develop into pleasant rituals that enrich a child’s life and create fond memories.  
6. How about a hug? Don’t just tell your child you love him – show him. Research indicates that young children deprived of physical touch and displays of affection often fail to thrive. As children grow older, they vary in the ways they like us to show affection. Some love to be cuddled, while others prefer a quick hug or pat on the shoulder. It’s important to be aware of what your child enjoys most at a particular age.  
7. Please. After all these years, “please” is still a classic. When you ask a favor of anyone – including children – this “magic word” acknowledges that you are asking for a behavior that will help you and/or make you happy. (P.S.: Don’t forget to say “thank you” when the job is done.)  
8. Good job! Good for you. Self-respect and self-confidence grow when your child’s efforts and performance are rewarded. Whenever possible, give your child lots of praise. Be sure your praise is honest and specific. Focus on your child’s efforts and progress, and help her identify her strengths.  
9. It’s time to… ”It’s time to get ready for bed,” or “do homework,” or “turn off the TV.” Young children need structure in their daily lives to provide a measure of security in an often insecure world. It is up to you as a parent to establish and maintain a workable schedule of activities, always remembering that children benefit from regular mealtimes and bedtimes.  
10. I love you. Everyone needs love and affection and a feeling of acceptance and belonging. We can’t assume that children know and understand our love for them unless we tell them. Letting your child know that you love him (and showing him with countless hugs) is important not only in toddlerhood, but also as he gets older.

Family Education