by: Kelly Kamish Bakke
Celina Okwuone was an 11 year old girl finishing up her 5th grade year at St. Anastasia Catholic School in Fort Pierce, FL. According to police, Celina hung herself in her closet Thursday night (05.20.2010). Police say she used a belt to wrap around her neck and she had wrapped the belt around the metal shelving in her closet. She was found by her parents. Her dad tried to lift her up and her mom tore the shelving from the wall.
Now, we ask ourselves what drives and 11 year old to take her own life? What could be tormenting her so deeply inside that she would take to her closet with a belt to end her own life? What made this beautiful girl feel the only way to escape and end the torment was to end her life? The answers may lie within the words she wrote in her personal diary.
Soon after Celina was found, her parents also found her diary. Within the pages of her diary Celina wrote about typical kid things such as school, who she liked, who she didn’t, etc. Also contained within the pages of her diary, Celina had written that she was being bullied by classmates. There it is, that nasty word: BULLYING. Haven’t we had enough? Too often we are hearing and reading about our youth taking their lives as a result of bullying. Far too often people write off bullying behavior as “normal everyday kid stuff” a sort of “right of passage” through youth. This is not the case. As adults, this wouldn’t be tolerated. Why do we allow it to continue in our schools and to our children.
Any diary, journal or writings of a suicide victim, especially one so young, will certainly create a great amount of interest in this heartbreaking tragedy. Our interest is peaked because we want to know the details about what she was thinking, what may have driven her to do this, why she felt so hopeless and helpless. But I ask you to be inspired. Don’t just be interested in hearing their voices after the tragedy occurs and after they’re gone. Open yourself up and listen to them now.
What can we do?
- Work harder to drive change with what acceptable behavior is within in our families and schools and that bullying will not be tolerated.
- We must create safe avenues for our children to learn to express their feelings.
- Help build self-esteem and strong character in our children.
- Assist where and when you can in building a positive and safe school climate.
- As parents and educators, model positive character traits.
- Reinforce and encourage kindness and compassion towards others.
- When you witness bullying, stop it! Use it as a teachable moment for all involved, the bully, the bullied and the bystander.
- Remember, children look to us and rely on us to keep them safe. When we let them down and they can no longer count on us to keep them safe, it only further solidifies their feelings of helplessness and hopelessness.
Bullying related suicides have become more and more common. As a parent, there are ways to help. If an adult suspects a child is having suicidal thoughts or behaviors as a way of escaping bullying and other problems, here are some suggestions:
- Notify school personnel if bullying is identified.
- Seek an evaluation from a professional. Suicidal thoughts and behaviors are often linked to depression, which can be treated.
- Listen to the child.
- Help the child understand these feelings and thoughts are temporary and there are solutions.
- Brainstorm on how the child can react to bullying.
- If suicidal urges/behaviors are serious, take the child to the emergency room, don’t leave him or her alone, and keep firearms, drugs and sharp objects away from the child.
In closing, I send my sincerest heartfelt sympathies to Celina’s family and friends. They have a difficult path of healing ahead of them. Many hugs and much love.
To all the parents out there, always remember to love your kids today, give them the gift of your time and attention. Talk with them, share with them, respect them and love them. One of my favorite quotes: “Don’t put off until tomorrow what you can do today, for you never know when tomorrow may be too late.”
